This is my life First

I always wanted to go to Turkey.

I mean not always always as if since I was a toddler. But, pretty much since my teenage years, I began having this fascination for Istanbul and all its history… and then came Dan Brown’s Inferno, and I was hooked.

Anyway, fast forward to this year’s Summer holidays when the chance to stopover in Istanbul on our way to Valencia was just there… and I seized it with all I had. Now, in all honesty, I did NOT plan this trip as thoroughly as perhaps I would have done in other circumstances, but I had just survived moving houses with little to no help, the whole household sick and a million and a half other bumps, so winging things was sort of the motto.

We get there and some things are marvellous… and others? Well, let’s just say there was a lot of crying and tantrummy behaviour, equally from the boys and myself.
As each day showed challenges and demands of little humans (whom I birthed BTW!) piled up, resentment began to bubble until finally, on day 3, aka the day that I better got my act together to see the city or was gonna leave without experiencing it, I equally imploded and exploded after yet another drama started… and what happened then was short of a miracle.

The whole thing, at least in my head, went down like this:
One of the minions: ‘We’re bored! We don’t want to do that!’
Me: ‘Well, we did your stuff and now is mami’s turn to choose’
One of them: ‘That’s so boring’
The other one: ‘So so boring!

Me Total emotional meltdown mode, pushed by hormones and too much ice cream consumed the day before, and let’s be real, shouting: ‘These are MY holidays too, you know? I get to enjoy too. This isn’t about YOU and YOUR WHIMPS only!’
Them united in fear: ‘Ok, mami’
This was it.

No. Not the shouting and how scary it was for them or me (trust me, no parent enjoys shouting no matter how much of it we do!), but that sentence: “These are my holidays too”. This acknowledgment that, unlike what most parents experience when traveling with kids, this is ALSO our chance to un-stress, relax, enjoy and experience a different location from where we live, this is ALSO about US.

Within days, this would be my mantra whenever stuff started to move sideways, whenever complains were made or when plans collapsed. I was taking ownership to my right to enjoy a holiday no matter what. Yes, there would be compromising, but there would also be giving to myself abundantly and lovingly.

Some days, my mantra took me to wake up early and hit the crossfit box before we moved to a park or aquarium with the boys. Others, it was about choosing a restaurant or meal that felt aligned with my health and energy needs. Some others was about ditching the to do list and just being present for my boys. The what wasn’t relevant, because the why was so clear and powerful. These were my holidays too.

Time passed fast and soon enough I was back home and facing some of the same challenges I had through our trip (“I’m bored”, “I want X! I want it now!”, etc) and, again through some drama-rama episode, I again used my mantra and said in a loud tone shouted: “This is my life too, you know?”. And it worked!

Perhaps not on the two fighting monsters children, but it worked for mem to remind myself that alas this WAS my life, the one and only I got, and continuing to suppress my needs to favour theirs just to prevent drama was a bad idea in the long run (and even in the medium run!). “This is my life too” became my reminder that I matter, that I’m important, worthy, deserving, lovable and I must treat myself as such.

… and then one day, whilst having lunch with one of the best humans who have crossed my path, aka writer and badass Queen Layla F. Saad (you totally need to stalk here online RFN. Seriously. Then pre-order her book here. Then join her Patreon. Then come back and finish this!), I mentioned my mantra and she said:
‘You know what, Anahi, I would say instead: This is my life FIRST’.

And I loved that and ran with it.

“This is my life FIRST” became my battle cry, my whisper to self when torn between voices and demands, my lifeline back to wholeness when doubting my worthiness as a mother, entrepreneur and human, my key to unleashing my right to replenish my needs FIRST, without needing to justify, apologise or explain them.

This became a gift I passed on to clients and friends, a reminder I posted about and pinned for others to read and use on their our journeys of liberation and joy, a tool to bring everyone who would want it back to worthiness by simply reminding them that, regardless of what society, culture or our minds tell us, we’re worthy of nourishment, joy and connection every single day because, in the end, this IS our life first.