Sweet Endings and Sweeter Beginnings

Sep 11, 2023

Sweet Endings and Sweeter Beginnings

I’m not sure how to start this post…

Around two hours ago, while I was working on getting Matthew to nap, a task that’s getting more complicated and challenging each day that passes by, I suddenly realized that our breastfeeding journey has come to an end… and as much as I craved this day for a while, I must say there’s a bittersweet taste that I can’t seem to shake off.

Breastfeeding didn’t come natural for us. Well, let me rephrase that, it came natural (as it is biologically the norm) but it wasn’t easy at all, not by any stretch of imagination. On the contrary, breastfeeding was hardcore tough work for both Matthew and I, not to mention my family, which kept supporting us throughout this path.

During this journey we struggled with: low milk supply, a side effect of my Hashimoto’s diagnosis; post-natal depression, also linked to Hashi’s; thrush, which affected both of us; extreme low weight gain for Matt, which let to introducing formula at 6 weeks; cracked nipples; undiagnosed lip and tongue ties, which haven’t been checked yet; breastfeeding aversions at the beginning of my second pregnancy, and more.

But we pushed through all of these challenges with conviction and perseverance on both sides until today, when at 27 months Matthew proclaimed: No gusta teta, mami (I don’t like the boob, mom) after 8 failed attempts to latch and nurse. A few minutes later, he snuggled closed to me and fell asleep. No nursing, no problem. As I opened my eyes to see if he was finally sleeping, I realized that this has been the first time in all our breastfeeding experience that he has rejected the breast, even asking me to close my sweater, as if to avoid my boobs from jumping to his mouth or something!

When I knew I was pregnant with my second child, I was so worried about the implications of tandem nursing that I almost prayed for Matt to wean on his own and to do so fast! I knew I didn’t want to wean him before he was ready (and I still think that if I hadn’t been pregnant he wouldn’t had weaned at this age), I knew I wanted this experience to close on his time and as he needed it and I knew I didn’t want any drama around breastfeeding for him or me.

At the same time, I knew deep down that I wasn’t ready, neither mentally, emotionally nor physically, to face nursing a newborn and a toddler, specially considering how many supply issues I had in the past. Yes, this time might be different, but the whole tandem nursing thing didn’t appeal to me in the slightest, not to mention that I truly don’t think we’re biologically made to do it unless we birth multiples.

So today, as my first born, my little boy, my Matipuchi told me honestly and happily that he wasn’t into breastfeeding, a big part of me smiled and gave thanks for the fact that we managed to last this long (against all odds and thanks to the amazing support of the best IBLCL I have ever met and my family), and so I filled my heart with pure joy for the sweetest ending I could have hoped for in this amazing journey… and I allowed myself a second to feel the little sadness that followed the realization that I won’t be nursing him anymore.

Yes, things ended up “going my way”, but I confess I’ll miss our cuddle and breastfeeding sessions, my ability to calm him down and help him recover like no one else could, my Mommy-Superpower. Nonetheless, as my husband always said, once that part of our relationship ended, Matthew and I would explore new ways to bond, connect and share, even when at some point I thought only through breastfeeding we could do so.

So, here I am, writing with a heavy heart, which is also packed with joy; thanking my body and my son’s for these amazing 27 months of nursing, and preparing myself for the new beginnings and changes we have approaching now that Michael is coming soon, Matthew is growing fast and I’m standing still, watching my world flourish, evolve and change, focusing on enjoying every minute of it and recognizing the beauty in the sweet endings that bring sweeter beginnings to my days.

Short for Instagram:

I’m not sure how to start this post…

Around two hours ago, while I was working on getting Matthew to nap, I suddenly realized that our breastfeeding journey has come to an end… and as much as I craved this day for a while, I must say there’s a bittersweet taste that I can’t seem to shake off.

Breastfeeding didn’t come natural for us. On the contrary, breastfeeding was hardcore tough work for both Matthew and I, not to mention my family, which kept supporting us throughout this path. We struggled with: low milk supply, a side effect of my Hashimoto’s diagnosis; post-natal depression, also linked to Hashi’s; thrush, which affected both of us; extreme low weight gain for Matt, which let to introducing formula at 6 weeks; cracked nipples; undiagnosed lip and tongue ties, which haven’t been checked yet; breastfeeding aversions at the beginning of my second pregnancy, and more.

But we pushed through all of these challenges with conviction and perseverance on both sides until today, when at 27 months Matthew proclaimed: No gusta teta, mami (I don’t like the boob, mom) after 8 failed attempts to latch and nurse. A few minutes later, he snuggled closed to me and fell asleep. No nursing, no problem, and so I realized that this has been the first time in all our breastfeeding experience that he has rejected the breast.

When I knew I was pregnant with my second child, I was so worried about the implications of tandem nursing that I almost prayed for Matt to wean on his own and to do so fast! I knew I wasn’t ready, neither mentally, emotionally nor physically, to face nursing a newborn and a toddler, specially considering how many supply issues I had in the past. Yes, this time might be different, but the whole tandem nursing thing didn’t appeal to me in the slightest.

So today, as my first born told me honestly and happily that he wasn’t into breastfeeding, a big part of me smiled and gave thanks for the fact that we managed to last this long and so I filled my heart with pure joy for the sweetest ending I could have hoped for in this amazing journey… and I allowed myself a second to feel the little sadness that followed the realization that I won’t be nursing him anymore.

#WellnessMomma #RealMommahood #NaturalWeaning #BreastfeedingUntilTheySayNo #WellnessNinja