PND for Doha Family

Post-Natal Depression: Lifting the veil of motherhood pain

I would say my lowest point was the day I googled “how to leave my husband and baby”. You see, I’m a happily married woman. I am completely in love with my husband and our little boy and, to most people, I have a perfect life. However, in the midst of post-natal depression, I was nothing, had nothing and could only focus on not doing something stupid right then and there and playing along to everyone else, while in my mind I was struggling to make it from day to day.

Depression is not something new to me. I have been depressed many times in my life. From an odd feeling of intense sadness when I was a girl to darker periods during my teenage and early adulthood years, I was always aware of it. In fact, depression is something many people around me, including my parents and even my grandmother, have had, so I knew it well as a patient and as a bystander. But even so, postnatal depression (like most mental health issues) wasn’t something I could talk about.

The sad side of my smile

So there I was, nursing my five months old son, “living the dream” while secretly planning how I was going to leave it all behind and move away so that I could no longer hurt anyone in an attempt to feel less empty, less lonely, less wrong. And I wasn’t alone, according to a Journey of American Medical Association (JAMA) Psychiatry study, around 14% of women worldwide experience some type of post-natal depression. That’s more than one mom among 10! In a playground, that means that many of the moms there chasing their kids, playing hide and seek and pushing their strollers are battling, just like I did, for their sanity while “keeping it together” for the world.

I remember looking at my crying infant and having these horrible thoughts, almost impulses to hurt him, and having to drag myself mentally not to, and then there would be guilt. So much guilt, so much shame that I just prayed constantly so that no one would ever know what was going on in my head. I would go back and forth with this emotional roller coaster. Anger, disgust, shame, guilt, over and over again, until my husband came home and it was time to fake I was somewhat normal.

Down but not alone

This was my life for months. I think in a way I really didn’t want to leave that place I was in, in part because I wasn’t even aware of where I was, and on the other hand, I didn’t know it could be any different, in my mind this was motherhood and I was here on my own.

The reality is that according to the World Health Organization more than 350 million people of all ages in the world are currently struggling with some sort of depression and around one in four people will experience some type of mental problem in the course of a year. These numbers are probably larger in fact, and sadly enough, most of these people will not reach out or get support. So, although I felt alone, I wasn’t.

The statistics about Postnatal Depression (PND) and other postnatal mental disorders are scary, even more so considering that in many cases mothers don’t speak out about it and these are highest prevalent postnatal disorders mothers face, and because of the nature of it, little to no help is received, making matters worse. In fact, suicide accounts for 20% of postnatal deaths.

Walking through an unknown path

One day something amazing happened. My husband got from work and I had a meltdown, and for the first time in months, he got to really see where I was and so he took my hand, sat with me and said: “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you are suffering from Postnatal Depression”.

They say the first step to recovery is acknowledgment. If you can’t see there’s an issue, how could you fix it, right? Well, in my case hearing those words out of my husband’s mouth were both liberating and terrifying at the same time. It meant I wasn’t damaged goods, it allowed me to feel more “normal”, less of a freak. But also, it showed an illness I wasn’t sure how to deal with on my own, not as a Wellness Coach, nor as a new mom. I suddenly knew I needed help with it. So I got researching.

As I was also battling with low milk supply and sudden weight gain, my instincts started to show me a possible underlying Thyroid issue, however I needed more information. My Functional Wellness Consultant agreed with my hunch and as soon as I could I got several tests done. Meanwhile, I started talking more to my family about where I was, how I felt and what I felt I needed to recover, whilst working with our local homeopath to support my recovery.

Finding the tools to find myself

I wanted to have more local resources as so far I had been mostly talking and dealing with people back in the US, but searching everywhere got me nowhere. How was I going to get through this (which I consider has been one of the toughest battles I have faced) alone? Just when I was losing hope, I discovered that Doha Mums had a PND support group that met once per month. I immediately contacted the person listed as the leader and joined on the next meeting.

If you haven’t ever been to a support group meeting, you might feel anxious and scared of being part of one, I know I was, specially when I suddenly realized the hostess already knew me, it was a struggle with shame again. But I staid nevertheless, and after the awkward initial greetings, I could see how much this could help. We sat, we honestly talked and, after a few coffees, we had shared our stories and fears like you would do with your best friend. It was a healing process.

Also, I started “busying myself up” more. The anxiety I felt to leave my son for a few hours started to wear off, and I started reaching out more, asking for support with him so that I could just go out for a coffee on my own, recharge my batteries and go back home. Things were improving little by little.

The shame started slowly to fade the more I allowed myself to talk about what was going on, the more I focused on being as honest and vulnerable as I could be with those around me. You see, I discovered that shame feeds from our own fears to be judged if we are honest and authentic, so the more we hide ourselves, the bigger and stronger it gets.

Using my “lemons” to make lemonade

And so I started to talk (A LOT) about being depressed, feeling lost, hating my “now”, and just plain not liking this whole mommy-hood ordeal. I started talking to friends, to other moms that looked like they would relate at play-dates, and suddenly, after hiding my struggle with PND from most of my family and “back home” friends, I started writing about it on Facebook, sharing on different “moms groups” trying to start a movement to bring awareness to it and open the discussion about PND and our struggles as women and moms.

One day, in an attempt to reach out more, I wrote a passionate status as an introduction to an article that showed statistics linking high occurrence of PND on moms who struggle with breastfeeding, don’t have their “dream” delivery or feel pressure to be “super mom”. This is where the magic started. I got dozens of responses. From posts from new moms in the middle of their own battles with PND, to veterans moms on their way to recovery. Everyone had something to say, and for the first time, there was a safe place to open up and say it.

The more I worked on this, the better I felt. I had a purpose again. Yes, I was a mom, a wife, a Wellness Coach, but now my struggle gave me a voice, a need to help other moms, to support them in healing and getting better, and just as it is when things are meant to be, I quickly found a better way to do so. One day, a few days after my original post, someone posted in one of the “moms groups” on Facebook about a support group for women battling with PND and antenatal depression (AND) in Dubai that was looking for moms to start one here, and so I started to volunteer to support moms here (which I still do).

I have had the honour to meet a couple of times many moms who have rwached out in their our struggles, we have tried to create a live support group, however due to the stigma covering mental illnesses, we know many don’t feel comfortable joining in person (or can’t meet us due to logistic issues). Nonetheless, I have visited many women to offer support both on coffees and in their own homes, and will always commit as much time and energy as I can to supporting anyone who calls for it.

Right now, the plan for this is to create a proper support group for mothers, a more formal organization where we bring more awareness to PND and AND in Qatar, creating a platform that offers help to anyone going through them regardless of nationality, religion or age.

Moving towards happy

This journey has been tough, but now I can honestly say that I feel blessed to have had to go through it, because it helped me see other women’s struggles, sadness and shame, it pushed me to reach out to anyone I saw in a dark place, it gave me empathy for their sorrow and made me humbler to stop judgment and choose instead warmth. Ultimately, it opened my eyes and so I changed careers so that I could be an instrument in others’ paths towards happiness too.

I still have my anxieties and low days where I have to battle my way towards peace and joy, but now I do so openly, I invite others to see me vulnerable, weak, real, so that together, moms, dads, families, friends, all, can support each other, without fearing judgment or shame, but instead valuing our stories, validating our struggles and appreciating ourselves.

What if you’re in this situation?

Depression is an illness, that’s all. Is not something you make or choose, let alone something to be ashamed of, so if you, or a loved one, is going through this, here are some tips to start your recovery so that you can enjoy your life and motherhood completely:

• Get your loved ones involved: How can we guide you back to a happy place when we don’t know you’re lost? Open up to your spouse, parents, close friends or anyone you trust. Allow yourself to be real and vulnerable, they will take care of you.



• Reach out in this Social Era: There are many local, regional and worldwide pages where you can be part of a community of women that are going through the same (or had gone through it) and will support you in getting better. Try Doha Mums, Out of the Blue, Post Natal Depression Awareness and Support Group and Mums helping Mums.

• Get professional help earlier than later: If your “Baby Blues” are hanging out for too long and you are struggling with motherhood or life, find a professional that can support you back to happiness and health. You can ask your obstetrician or general practitioner for a referral to a psychologist or psychiatric, look for a practitioner or a therapist who can offer you the help you need, there are many options to suit you! Some of the available options are:
• Dr Noor Dafeah, Psychologist at Hamad Hospital Psychiatry Department: You will need a referral from your Health Centre. Contact: 44384566/574.
• Tina Ringer Mogensen, Psychologist: [email protected]
• Dr Husam Qush, Obstetrician: Contact: 5569 9787 / [email protected]
• Dr Maral Yazdandoost, Naturopath: Contact: 3017 5886 / [email protected]
• Niloofar Rezai, Homeopath: Contact: 7781 3530 / [email protected]
• Carmita Prieto, Life Coach: Contact: 5508 3249 / [email protected]
• Suzy Knight, Reflexology and Reiki Practitioner: [email protected]

• Support your body from the inside out: To put it simply, depression is caused by a chemical misbalance in our brains, and what better way to support our brain chemistry and overall health than with our diet! Going for real food, minimizing highly processed items and even taking good quality supplements (using professional guidance) can be life changing.